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Have not done that in a long time. I was asking for forgiveness. Later that evening, a pair of girls showed up unannounced at my door. One was in diapers. We hugged like there was no tomorrow. I kept repeating ‘I’m sorry’ time and time again, till the little one let out a giddy scream. She saw her toys waiting for her. Actually, I just had not put them away. Cathy took their coats off, I got something to drink for everyone. Then she and I sat down. ‘Mike, I am scared. I was scared when you blurted out that we had a future together after the assault, I was scared when we started to work things out, I was scared when Dad and Franciszka were sick, I was even more than scared before we made passionate love and lust the first time again. We kept our separate apartments, but you have spent many nights at mine, and us at yours. Now I’m scared when you wanted us to move in with you.’ ‘This is not about logic. This is not about love. It is not that I don’t trust you, I’m afraid of failure.. The strong urge to open the robe, as I spun, probably had something to do with it, but I resisted. I was no longer squooshy. In fact, I was very relaxed and happy—happy in a way I hadn’t felt in quite some time.As I came up to him, he gave me a light kiss on the cheek; I reciprocated. Pointing, he said, “Have a seat at that table in the nook. I’ll bring the coffee. Do you want anything to eat? I can cook a bit.”“Coffee will be fine. Maybe some juice if you have any. I think I’m a bit dehydrated from the alcohol last night.”“Sure thing. Orange okay?”“Perfect!”Sitting there enjoying the coffee and juice, along with the view of the sun reflecting off the lake, we did not talk near as much as the previous night. In my mind, I was just relishing the moment, extremely happy to be where I was and with whom I was.As we were finishing our coffee, Jeff stood and gestured for me to also stand—I did, looking up at him. He took my head in his hands and kissed me on the lips, a gentle, loving.
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